Jensen's "Hot Santa"
The first Christmas card we receive each year comes from the White House, complete with autopen or engraved signature letting me know that I am one in about 280,000,000. I am such a slob. If the President can get his Christmas chores done so promptly while conducting the "War on Terror", I should also be able to while conducting my own "War on Household Terror" (ominous music.) I think my problem lies with my Chief of Staff. I cannot get her to do the Christmas letter. Lenore says that it is a payroll problem.
Ailsa recently got a really cute knit cap. When she wears it, her ears poke out from her hair and she has that distinct look of the elves in the Lord of the Rings trilogy. She especially reminds me of Hugo Weaving who plays Elrond and who also enjoys a high degree of coolth with kids Ailsa's age group because of his role as agent Smith in the Matrix movies. I have half a mind to give her a Christmas gift of prosthetic elf ears (subtle ones, mind you) to wear out in public on occasion.
She now holds the family record for number of jobs held at one time. (Personally, I think she just doesn't like College and needed a ready excuse for failing her Algebra course.) She is working at Laser Quest. (This is so she can dominate awkward young teen age boys.) She is doing someAvon selling. (Curiously, she dresses like a retro Diane Wiest whenever she goes canvassing.) After viewing Edward Scissorhands I now realize she secretly hopes to knock on Johnny Depp's castle door.
But, her best job by far is author. She has signed a contract to have a book published. She has actually completed a couple of books and has a couple more in process. I believe she suffers from a sort of literary diarrhea. Having witnessed her youth and participated in her torture and programming, I think she has so much bouncing around in her head it must be cathartic for her to write, and she does a lot of writing. The book is presently called, "Raven's Rite: the Faery Prophecies, Book One." Look for it online by the end of the year. Seriously, I think she could really have some success with writing because she loves and lives to do it, is prolific, and so far has been very easy for the publisher to work with. Check out http://www.dreamlandpublishing.com/author1.html. Scroll down to thebottom of the page.Jensen graduated from Kimber academy. It was difficult. She had a hard time with the thesis and the GED tests. But, she made it and we are very proud of her. The hardest part of all however, was sitting through the 5 hour graduation dinner and program. If you are brave you can read about it at: http://toddlillywhite.blogspot.com. Since Jensen is still very immature.... er young and certainly not ready for college (unless of course, she were to attend school in Hildale orColorado City
As writing is to Ailsa, so is drawing to Jensen. You can see some fine examples of her art at http://goolz.blogspot.com. In no other field (especially room orderliness maintenance) is Jensen bothered with any degree of conscientiousness. But, when it comes to drawing she can get downright Nazi about things. This latest weekend she spent almost every spare moment working on drawings for her English class. I thought English involved writing, not drawing.
We went shooting quite a lot while at theColorado River for Thanksgiving vacation. Jensen really takes to this and has her eye set on inheriting a .22 revolver that belonged to her Great-Grandfather and maybe even his father. After popping off about 2000 rounds we had to pry the blistering firearm from her cramped fist. Really, she was grey with gunshot residue. The cascade of spent casings nearly buried her feet. She cackled maniacally and had a very noticeable facial tick. I'm not concerned at all that she has asked Santa for an assault rifle and has suddenly become fascinated with Jodie Foster.
Being the great models of parenting that we are, we also took Laney shooting. I had to help her hold the revolver and the rifle. Her arms are too short to put the butt of the rifle to her shoulder. We kind of pointed at things without aiming and she pulled the trigger. Needless to say she only hit rocks. But, quite enjoyed doing so. When the magazine on the rifle was empty she turned and said, "I need more bullets." We'll be buying her a lifetime NRA membership for Christmas.
Laney still spends about half of the time in our bed at night. We realize that for centuries children have been the most effective form of birth control. They perform this function in at least two ways. They interfere with connubial bliss. And, many of them by their comportment provide ample incentive not to have any more. I can report that it is working well for us also. She kicks off the covers, snores and sputters, and grinds her teeth. She exhales skinky breath in your face all night long. I've started breaking out again. We love her so.
She has the same Kindergarten teacher that Ailsa and Jensen both had. Last Friday they were singing some Christmas songs at the local Mall. It really was a treat because I wasn't expecting to be able to make it. I had a funeral to conduct. But, because of delays caused by sound system problems, I managed to arrive barely after it started. Initially she was in tears after the paper Santa hanging around her neck ripped. The teacher quickly and alertly grabbed another one for her to wear. (She snatched it from a bewildered but tough boy who wasn't about to cry in public, just kidding.) Laney settled down after a couple of minutes and by the twelfth day of Christmas she was in good spirits again. Some of the kids were very intent on performing flawlessly and playing to the audience. This was not Laney. There were too many other distractions and concerns. She is very similar to her older sisters that way.
The family (with much gentle persuasion and importuning from Todd) bought a tandem bicycle this year. Ailsa's first comment upon seeing it: Where does the gas go? I alternated solo rides with tandem rides and rotated through the three oldest girls as stokers. Altogether we probably put about 600-800 miles on it. Truthfully, I think the girls enjoyed it. Or are just too afraid to tell me otherwise. At least it enabled them to see the bunnies and roadrunners on the Camp Pendleton Marine base.
We made four trips by car toCalifornia San Clemente Newport Beach LDS Temple
Lenore is still teaching the Gospel Doctrine class at Church. But, the Bishop might be doing something about that this year. She will sometimes read a couple of books in preparation for her lessons. I try to motivate her to update her blog often. Maybe you can encourage her as well.
Sorry we will be late in sending our Christmas greetings. But, we do mean well. We keep your friendship and memories dear and look forward to seeing you anytime and sometime. During this time of year we are especially grateful for what we have and for our family and friends and we acknowledge that it all comes from our Heavenly Father.
Ailsa recently got a really cute knit cap. When she wears it, her ears poke out from her hair and she has that distinct look of the elves in the Lord of the Rings trilogy. She especially reminds me of Hugo Weaving who plays Elrond and who also enjoys a high degree of coolth with kids Ailsa's age group because of his role as agent Smith in the Matrix movies. I have half a mind to give her a Christmas gift of prosthetic elf ears (subtle ones, mind you) to wear out in public on occasion.
She now holds the family record for number of jobs held at one time. (Personally, I think she just doesn't like College and needed a ready excuse for failing her Algebra course.) She is working at Laser Quest. (This is so she can dominate awkward young teen age boys.) She is doing some
But, her best job by far is author. She has signed a contract to have a book published. She has actually completed a couple of books and has a couple more in process. I believe she suffers from a sort of literary diarrhea. Having witnessed her youth and participated in her torture and programming, I think she has so much bouncing around in her head it must be cathartic for her to write, and she does a lot of writing. The book is presently called, "Raven's Rite: the Faery Prophecies, Book One." Look for it online by the end of the year. Seriously, I think she could really have some success with writing because she loves and lives to do it, is prolific, and so far has been very easy for the publisher to work with. Check out http://www.dreamlandpublishing.com/author1.html. Scroll down to thebottom of the page.Jensen graduated from Kimber academy. It was difficult. She had a hard time with the thesis and the GED tests. But, she made it and we are very proud of her. The hardest part of all however, was sitting through the 5 hour graduation dinner and program. If you are brave you can read about it at: http://toddlillywhite.blogspot.com. Since Jensen is still very immature.... er young and certainly not ready for college (unless of course, she were to attend school in Hildale or
As writing is to Ailsa, so is drawing to Jensen. You can see some fine examples of her art at http://goolz.blogspot.com. In no other field (especially room orderliness maintenance) is Jensen bothered with any degree of conscientiousness. But, when it comes to drawing she can get downright Nazi about things. This latest weekend she spent almost every spare moment working on drawings for her English class. I thought English involved writing, not drawing.
We went shooting quite a lot while at the
Being the great models of parenting that we are, we also took Laney shooting. I had to help her hold the revolver and the rifle. Her arms are too short to put the butt of the rifle to her shoulder. We kind of pointed at things without aiming and she pulled the trigger. Needless to say she only hit rocks. But, quite enjoyed doing so. When the magazine on the rifle was empty she turned and said, "I need more bullets." We'll be buying her a lifetime NRA membership for Christmas.
Laney still spends about half of the time in our bed at night. We realize that for centuries children have been the most effective form of birth control. They perform this function in at least two ways. They interfere with connubial bliss. And, many of them by their comportment provide ample incentive not to have any more. I can report that it is working well for us also. She kicks off the covers, snores and sputters, and grinds her teeth. She exhales skinky breath in your face all night long. I've started breaking out again. We love her so.
She has the same Kindergarten teacher that Ailsa and Jensen both had. Last Friday they were singing some Christmas songs at the local Mall. It really was a treat because I wasn't expecting to be able to make it. I had a funeral to conduct. But, because of delays caused by sound system problems, I managed to arrive barely after it started. Initially she was in tears after the paper Santa hanging around her neck ripped. The teacher quickly and alertly grabbed another one for her to wear. (She snatched it from a bewildered but tough boy who wasn't about to cry in public, just kidding.) Laney settled down after a couple of minutes and by the twelfth day of Christmas she was in good spirits again. Some of the kids were very intent on performing flawlessly and playing to the audience. This was not Laney. There were too many other distractions and concerns. She is very similar to her older sisters that way.
The family (with much gentle persuasion and importuning from Todd) bought a tandem bicycle this year. Ailsa's first comment upon seeing it: Where does the gas go? I alternated solo rides with tandem rides and rotated through the three oldest girls as stokers. Altogether we probably put about 600-800 miles on it. Truthfully, I think the girls enjoyed it. Or are just too afraid to tell me otherwise. At least it enabled them to see the bunnies and roadrunners on the Camp Pendleton Marine base.
We made four trips by car to
Lenore is still teaching the Gospel Doctrine class at Church. But, the Bishop might be doing something about that this year. She will sometimes read a couple of books in preparation for her lessons. I try to motivate her to update her blog often. Maybe you can encourage her as well.
Sorry we will be late in sending our Christmas greetings. But, we do mean well. We keep your friendship and memories dear and look forward to seeing you anytime and sometime. During this time of year we are especially grateful for what we have and for our family and friends and we acknowledge that it all comes from our Heavenly Father.
Disclaimer:No animals were harmed in the production of, or in the events depicted in this letter. Ours is an animal friendly family, unless, of course, you look good with an apple in your mouth.
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